Is God Anti-Sex?
Part 2 of a Series on The Proverbial Tale of Two Women: Wisdom vs. Seduction
This summer our local church took a deep dive into the biblical book of Proverbs, dissecting various themes. On August 18th, we were honoured to be able to share on chapters 5-8, which hold imperative lessons on matters of sexuality and relationships. As we prepared our notes to speak, we recognized that there was more content in those 3 chapters than could possibly be covered in a Sunday morning message. We wanted to dedicate some space here to share some of those biblical insights with you.
The first thing that you need to know as we look into the book of Proverbs, is that this is a poetic book, not a historical recording or prophetic message. In the first portion of Proverbs, you’ll see the literary device of personification; this is when writers assign human characteristics to an object or idea. For instance, in chapter 8, the concept of Wisdom is personified as an honourable Woman who is standing on the street corner, calling out to anyone who wants to find a long, fulfilling life. At the same time, the concept of Seduction is also personified as a Woman - only this time, she is a desperate, conniving voice who will lead strong men to destruction. Of course, both men and women can be led by either wisdom or seduction.
The urgent instruction to readers is clear - be alert. Know the schemes of Seduction. Pursue wisdom. With all of that established, here is Part 2 of this series, “The Proverbial Tale of Two Women: Wisdom vs. Seduction”. (You can click here to read Part 1: The Irreplaceable Parent)
When I was 19 years old I spent a year as a student in a nearby discipleship school. My days were filled with Bible study, group discussions, worship, practical service hours within the community and the local church. It was a busy time, but I loved to squeeze in time with friends, new and old, as often as I could. One evening, an old friend came by for a visit. I remember sitting close together in my bedroom, confiding with one another in a steady stream of conversation, in that special way that teen girls can. We processed together what God was showing us, what dreams were stirring in our hearts for the future, and what friendships and relationships looked like for us in that season.
Suddenly the tone in the room shifted. My friend’s eyes filled with tears. Her cheeks flushed as she confided in me about what had happened that summer between her and the guy she had been dating. They hadn’t meant to add a sexual component to their relationship. They had wanted to honour God. But they had slipped back into old patterns and ended up sleeping together. No one had suspected it. Now here she was, months later, single again and unloading some of the weight off her chest.
I can’t remember how I responded. I hope that I was encouraging. Comforting. Reminding her of the redeeming love of God.
What I do remember is that as she drove away that evening, the weight that had been on her chest was now pressing down on me. At that point, I hadn’t had any overt sexual experiences of my own. What I had were a spectator’s vivid memories of watching friends’ lives get messed up by sexuality gone wrong. For some reason, I was often the sounding board and I saw a lot of break-ups, tears, broken hearts, and regrets. I was regularly asking my mom for a bit more time on the family phone line so that I could listen and help my friends process. Premature pregnancies. Forbidden relationships that ended up wreaking havoc. The confession my friend brought that night was one more tally mark in the record books. Sex just seemed to mess things up. Sex seemed like the enemy. Like it was a necessary evil.
The next morning I went into our discipleship school’s time of worship with a heavy heart, thinking of my friend’s tear-streaked face. There was a moment when one of the leaders began to exhort us, reminding us that regardless of how broken the circumstances in our life seemed, God’s goodness was steady. She was far more eloquent and anointed than I can do justice; it felt like she was speaking truth to the lie that was was trying to take root in my soul. God was answering my question. I turned to a classmate who was standing next to me, and with zero context at all, I whispered delightedly to her, “Sex IS good!”
I’m sure I gave her the context later on, but I think back on that morning as a significant one. Now decades later, I’ve had countless conversations with friends and strangers alike who express the pain that has been caused in their life because of sex-gone-wrong. Within the church at large, the messages about sex are often reduced to a prohibition, “Sex outside of marriage is bad.” But said often enough or carelessly enough, and that message starts to sound like, “Sex is bad.” Add to that the negative personal experiences that people are having, and it is no wonder that the lie “God is anti-sex” gets propagated.
The lie is that God is against sex. The truth is that God is a loving heavenly Father who knows us better than we know ourselves, and so He has established healthy boundaries around sexual expression for us because He doesn’t want us to get hurt.
Take a look at Proverbs 5:15-19 (ESV) and you can see God’s heart and intention for us:
“Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well.
Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets?
Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you.
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.”
God is not against sex. He designed it for our good - yes, for procreation, but also for pleasure! As you can see, the context is everything. Proverbs holds this metaphorical language for the husband, “Drink water from your own cistern.” Scriptures are telling him, “Direct your attention to the woman right in front of you! Show all that affection to the bride you made a public promise to!”
God Himself is not a sexual being, but when He created humanity Genesis 1 tells us that He saw all that He had made and called it “very good”! This includes the way that a husband and wife can meet one another in the sacredness of sexual intimacy. When, in spite of all the external and internal forces trying to draw a husband and wife apart, they choose one each other once more and get lost in one another’s embrace, I believe that the Lord would again declare “very good” over them.
Verse 19 moves away from the metaphor and can almost make us blush a little at how candid it is, “Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” In the original language word “intoxicated” is the Hebrew word, “saga”, and contains the meaning, “to go astray”, “to swerve”, as in the sway or swerving in someone drunk who is trying to walk. Wives, I just want to add for a moment, that if your body is a source of distraction to your husband, if your husband delights in your figure and gets “tipsy” or a little silly around you, that is a lovely thing, not something to scorn. Husbands, if I could also briefly comment, your wife will be able to tell if you are rejoicing in her entirety, or if it is just for what she can do for you physically. Rejoice in her entirety and see how her eyes light up.
Context matters. So the lie is that God is against sex, but the truth is that God created it and knows best how it will bless us. Sex is not bad, but it is powerful. Just like a fire, in the right context of a fireplace, sex has the ability to bring light, warmth and energy to a relationship. In the wrong context, that same fire has the ability to burn the place down. As a teenager, I witnessed a myriad of ways that this fire could singe and scar. The problem wasn’t the fire, the problem was the context. My prayer is that you would recognize the same thing I did all those years ago, as a heavy-hearted, naive 19 year old, “Sex IS good.”
Perhaps you have also witnessed or experienced the pain of an out-of-context fire. I want you to know that our God does not hate you, but rather loves you. He is a Healer; if you are willing to place your wounded heart into His hands and begin to trust His ways, He will wash you and bring comfort to you.
If you are married, and pain or scars from the past have hindered your ability to drink deeply and delight in your spouse, there is hope for your marriage! The first step is to be honest about every last thing that haunts your memory. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you in the process. Invite wise and trusted counsel who can listen and pray with you. It is never too late to bring your brokenness to the Lord.
I just read Isaiah 61:1-3 with our boys this morning, and would love to share that here with you:
“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
Because the Lord has anointed me
To bring good news to the afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to captives
And freedom to prisoners;
To proclaim the favourable year of the Lord
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
To grant those who mourn in Zion,
Giving them a garland instead of ashes,
The oil of gladness instead of mourning,
The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.
So they will be called oaks of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” (NASB)
God is not against sex, and He is not against you.
We will continue to explore the lessons found in the book of Proverbs; we will unpack 5 commonly believed lies about sexuality and refute them with wisdom. Subscribe to our email newsletter to ensure that you don’t miss any of these lessons!
If you’d like to watch the sermon where we first shared these Proverb-lessons, you can find that here.