Is Sex the Most Important Thing in Life?
Part 3 of a series, “The Proverbial Tale of Two Women: Wisdom vs. Seduction”
This summer our local church took a deep dive into the biblical book of Proverbs, dissecting various themes. On August 18th, we were honoured to be able to share on chapters 5-8, which hold imperative lessons on matters of sexuality and relationships. As Bryan and I prepared our notes to speak, we recognized that there was more content in those 3 chapters than could possibly be covered in a Sunday morning message. We wanted to dedicate some space here to share some of those biblical insights with you.
The first thing that you need to know as we look into the book of Proverbs, is that this is a poetic book, not a historical recording or prophetic message. In the first portion of Proverbs, you’ll see the literary device of personification; this is when writers assign human characteristics to an object or idea. For instance, in chapter 8, the concept of Wisdom is personified as an honourable Woman who is standing on the street corner, calling out to anyone who wants to find a long, fulfilling life. At the same time, the concept of Seduction is also personified as a Woman - only this time, she is a desperate, conniving voice who will lead strong men to destruction. Of course, both men and women can be led by either wisdom or seduction.
The urgent instruction to readers is clear - be alert. Know the schemes of Seduction. Pursue wisdom. With all of that established, here is Part 3 of a series, “The Proverbial Tale of Two Women: Wisdom vs. Seduction”.
The book of Proverbs brings wisdom to the matters of sex and relationships, at a depth that no grade 7 school curriculum could ever cover. Because sex is about more than biology; sex is meant to be an integrated, body-soul-spirit experience. Many people today are being discipled by culture’s message - that a physical sexual experience is the best thing you can get and that you’re not really living if you’re not getting some.
But is it true? Will an active sex life be enough to satisfy you?
Years ago I watched the Julia Roberts/Richard Gere 1990 rom-com, “Pretty Woman”. If you are unfamiliar with the story line, it follows a wealthy, successful business man who picks up a prostitute-escort one night, and ends up hiring her to act as his significant other for a few business functions. They begin to develop deeper feelings for one another. Though I don’t really remember much of the grossly unrealistic film, one scene stands out in my mind. Actor Richard Gere leans in for a kiss but Julia Roberts pushes him away. When he questions her reservation, she says that even though she is a prostitute, she avoids kissing because she wants to save something in the hopes of a real relationship one day. Why? Because she knew that sex is not the same thing as intimacy.
All the sex in the world can’t satisfy the human heart. We were made for more.
Born Hungry. Still Hungry.
We were all born hungry. We were born eager for both physical and relational sustenance. Our hunger was a God-given appetite that led us to the source where it could be satisfied. As a mother of 6, I remember well those newborn cries. Night and day, roughly every 2-3 hours, they cried out, squalling and desperate. Milk satisfied their infant hunger pangs, but not for long. Soon they needed more than milk could provide, and solid foods were introduced. Smashed up banana and avocado. Soft sweet potato chunks that could be grasped by those chubby little fists.
Simultaneously, each child needed to have their hearts satisfied by the care, attention and affection of us - their parents. We provided them with relational connection, we knew them better than anyone else, and they couldn’t get enough of us. Just like their little stomachs needing to be filled up with milk regularly, their young hearts needed to be filled too. As child turns into teen turns into adult, their hunger extends beyond the natural realm to the spiritual realm. There is a beautiful quote by author and theologian C.S. Lewis that says, “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”
Just the other day our family was blasting out the recently released Switchfoot live album as we drove to church together in our minivan, everyone getting excited at the new edition of “Meant to Live”. The words resonate in me as deeply now as a middle-aged homeschooling mother as they did when I heard them the summer I graduated:
“We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside,
We want more than this world's got to offer,
We want more than this world's got to offer,
We want more than the wars of our fathers,
And everything inside screams for second life.”
The lie of this modern culture, which is the same lie that God’s people have always faced is, “This life is all there is. Eat, drink, be merry, for tomorrow we die.” The lie is, “Seek pleasure, because that will satisfy you.” And the lie morphs further, “If you can get enough sex, you will be satisfied.” But if sex were the end goal, the epitome of human living, then wouldn’t the prostitute be among the happiest individuals on earth? Wouldn’t the porn stars or the gang leaders with a girl on each arm be the most fulfilled? Wouldn’t they be able to make it through the day without drugs and alcohol to numb out? Can’t we deduce that sex is not the highest human experience, and that we were made for another world, and that perhaps there is a Source of life that can satiate our hunger.
In the Biblical book of Proverbs, there is a strong warning to watch out for the ways of the harlot. Some translations use the word “prostitute” or “strange woman”, but regardless of what word is used, and regardless of whether or not someone is accepting payment for sexual acts, the purpose is to give insight about any person who has an operating system of seduction. Seduction is all about charm and deception. Proverbs 6:25-26 explains it this way:
“Do not desire her beauty in your heart, nor let her capture you with her eyelids. For on account of a harlot one is reduced to a loaf of bread, and an adulteress hunts for the precious life.”
I find the wording of this translation to be particularly potent. “…on account of a harlot, one is reduced to a loaf of bread…” This doesn’t Why does she do it? It is because she is so hungry for something to fulfill her, that she will use and objectify people. It is important to remember that even in the circumstances when a person is behaving in that seductive way, they too are a victim. Ephesians 6:12 is a critical reminder when it comes to sexual immorality and temptation, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” (NASB) The spiritual forces of darkness deceive people with the lie that sex is the ultimate satisfaction in life, and then people start to objectify and use others. The spirit of harlotry convinces people to sell themselves, in one way or another, in order to satisfy their hunger for affirmation, affection, attention, and significance. But to the one who feels like their heart is starving, and to the one who keeps turning to people and being disappointed, Jesus comes with the ultimate answer - He offers relationship with Himself.
In the Old Testament, there is recorded history of the people of Israel who traveled for forty years in the wilderness after being miraculously delivered from slavery in Egypt. The crowds of people were terrified about how they were all going to get enough to eat, but God assured them that He would send them sustenance from heaven. All they would have to do is wake up every day, ready to collect the provision. The people called this food “manna” which is the Hebrew word for “What is this?” It was a bread unlike anything they had ever seen; it appeared like dew every morning and was sweet to the taste. Hundreds of years later, when Jesus, Son of God, came to earth, and told His followers, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst…I am the bread of life.Your ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness, yet they died. But here is the bread that comes down from heaven, which anyone may eat and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven.” (John 6:35, 50-51 ESV) What a bold promise!
Later, in the hours before His crucifixion, Jesus sat at a table with His disciples, with bread in His hands, and as He ripped that bread into pieces, He told them about a new covenant that He was offering to humanity, “This is My body, broken for you.” Jesus offered His broken body as the ultimate sacrifice all the way to death on the cross, paying the penalty of sin so that we could be brought into right relationship with God, so that we could more fully understand what unconditional love looks like.
Jesus is saying to us today, “Stop reducing the people around you to a loaf of bread to try to satisfy your lusts and appetites! You are made for something beyond what this world has to offer! Accept the sacrifice I made for you! Receive My deep, pure love for you.”
If you’ve gotten used to an operating system of seduction and manipulation, it is time for you to learn a new way, where you can have genuine friendship with people, where you do not play games with peoples’ hearts, or live for sexual conquest. God wants you to begin to learn the difference between having sex and having intimacy. God is a God of forgiveness and redemption, and He doesn’t want you to live empty.
If that resonates with you, I want to encourage you to pray out-loud, right now, “Jesus, I come to You today and ask that You would fill me, and teach me how to enjoy You as the Bread and Water of Life. I know that I still need people in my life, but help me to understand that there are some needs in my life that only You can satisfy. Getting married won’t fix all my problems. More sex won’t bring me the peace I seek. I need something beyond this world. Jesus, I choose to put my trust in You. Please teach me Your righteous ways! In Jesus’ name, Amen!
We will continue to explore the lessons found in the book of Proverbs; we will unpack 5 commonly believed lies about sexuality and refute them with wisdom. Subscribe to our email newsletter to ensure that you don’t miss any of these lessons!
Read Part 1: The Irreplaceable Parent
If you’d like to watch the sermon where we first shared these Proverb-lessons, you can find that here.