Every Day a Bride: a message of God's love for the church
I had never felt more beautiful than I did on that day.
It’s strange how so much attention was directed to me on our wedding day, yet how appropriate that attention felt. It didn’t inflate my ego, but rather, I was humbled by the knowledge that I was standing as a representative of something that extended far beyond me.
Even though our budget was modest, some could still accuse the preparation as materialistic or consumer-driven. However, I think there is something deep within our human design that affirms that the wedding day, the bride, and the groom, are supposed to capture and portray a unique glory. A glory that comes at a cost.
On the morning of November 10, 2007, we went through final preparations. Hair, make-up, jewelry, perfume, dress, shoes, flowers. All the little details, each loaded with significance. As though every effort was an offering of love.
The guests gathered and filled that auditorium with the buzz of conversation. The tone of music shifted. The procession began.
As I stood there with my arm linked through my dad’s, I knew the crescendo was approaching. The doors opened, the audience stood, and we began to walk down the aisle.
In my peripheral I could see heads turned to watch me and heard the whispers of awe.
I wonder now, “Why wasn’t I embarrassed at the attention?”
But, my attention was only fixed on the face of my groom at the other side of the room. He was fighting back tears, but I could not be smiling any bigger. He had invited me into a life with him, and I was saying yes. Step after step, saying yes.
Looking back now, I see that this was the culmination of all the times over my childhood and teen years that I had played dress-up. But that day, dressed as a bride, I wasn’t pretending anything. Rather, I stood in full integrity as a young woman who was deeply loved by a young man. He had proven his love for me, over and over again. Not because I had all that time trying to get some contrived response from him, but because it is good for a woman to know she is truly loved before she completely gives herself to a man.
Our relationship had grown. He had offered me authentic friendship, allowing me to be my true self, never asking me to be someone else. He had comforted me in times of sorrow, stood and served beside me, and encouraged me in the pursuit of my individual purpose.
He had not yet seen me in the entirety of my physical being, but he had seen my soul - my personhood - and he loved me. He had not touched me in a sexual way. He did not yet have access to those most intimate parts of my being, but he trusted what he did know of me. He loved me enough to ask me to be his wife. Together until death.
I felt beautiful that day. Not just because my hair was done or because my dress was lovely. I felt beautiful because I was chosen, and I could feel his affection for me. It was in the way he looked at me and in the way he held my hand, and in the way he said my name.
This is the glory of a bride on her wedding day. The glory of being chosen and treasured.
Of course, every day cannot be the wedding day.
In the years following that day, we added babies to the mix. Twins at first, then another, another, another, some gap years, then another. Wedding gowns simply do not hold up well in the kitchen.
How many pots of oatmeal have I stood over? How many crushed Cheerios have been vacuumed up?
How many times have I woken in the night to care for an infant or a scared child?
How many times have I stooped down to wipe up spills, paused for hugs, or been interrupted by unscheduled counselling sessions for the sake of a pre-teen?
In those moments I am not adorned with jewelry. My hair is not curled, and high heels would be downright superfluous. So many of those moments greet me while I am fashioned with sweatpants and messy buns. The moments do not feel extraordinary, and neither do I.
Countless days I have escaped the challenges and repetitive tasks, heading out for even a brief walk to gather my thoughts, take deep breaths, and remember who I am and what I want to be about.
Not too long ago, after 14 years full of a bunch of not-wedding days, I was out for one such walk.
Weariness tends to creep in, doesn’t it? It is like a slow fog that can hardly be beat off with a large stick. To be honest, the weariness I was facing that day had little to do with my role as a mother, and more to do with the circumstances of the earth. The reports that filled my social media feed, sometimes the posts from large news outlets, and sometimes the posts from individuals who were facing things and choosing things and hurting others.
Dreary. Lonely. Confused. Afraid.
On that day, I felt the Spirit of God whisper to me, “Don’t forget that you are a bride.”
He wasn’t trying to get me to just remember that my husband loved me and was committed to me. I knew He was reminding me of the mystery that is spoken about in Ephesians chapter 5. In that passage, one of the early church leaders spoke of how the husband and wife relationship are actually a shadow of a divine reality - that of Christ’s profound love and sacrifice for the Church. God wanted me to remember the glory of that day. The glory of being treasured, sacrificed for, and chosen.
When the Lord spoke to my heart, “Don’t forget that you are a bride”, I knew that it was a message for me that afternoon to remember how devoted He was to me individually, but also as a message for the Church to remember the same thing. In the midst of the mess, the chaos, and the weariness, the Church must pause and remember all that the Divine Bridegroom sees in her. That He sees her as one worth dying for, as the one He has made covenant with, as the one He is longing to be united with.
He has sent the Holy Spirit to be with us here in the waiting, as a seal on our hearts of all that is to come. The engagement ring on our finger. The evidence of the promise that we wait for. So though we may feel common in our sweatpants, He delights in us and has His eyes forever on us as we walk down that long aisle of time towards Him, dressed in white robes of righteousness that He gifted to us.
Don’t lose heart, dear Church. There will come a day that the waiting will be over, and we will once again experience the glory of a wedding day. And no matter what you face today, no one can rob you of your identity in Him.