The Vulnerability of Being a Woman
I want to talk about a verse in the Bible that used to get me riled up. I want to share what I’ve learned though, because I believe that the principles within these verses could bring our friendships, families, and church communities a lot of freedom.
Here goes:
1 Peter 3:7 - "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."
Sounds pretty nice, doesn't it? Well, except for that one little clause.
Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. Check. That sounds excellent.
As with someone weaker. That's where the jaws drop and the fists clench.
Doesn't God know that we live in the 21st century? Doesn't He realize that we have fought hard (and with good reason, and still with much work to do!) to have our rights as legal persons, to own property and not be property, to vote, to be educated, to be paid equally, to be respected in the work force? Doesn't He understand the struggle of the female sex?
What is God really trying to say here?
I did a little studying and it turns out that 1 Peter 3:7 is specifically referring to external weakness. A more precise translation would read "as unto the weaker vessel" and in the original language of Greek, we see that the word "vessel" is referring specifically to the outer physical body.
It is the same word that is used in 1 Corinthians when it speaks of believers carrying a great treasure in "jars (vessels) of clay". Fragile. Breakable. Vulnerable vessels. The Bible speaks to what we can naturally observe about our frames and what science has confirmed to be true. Typically, men are physically larger than women and with that comes greater muscle mass. The presence of testosterone in a man's body makes the development of muscle that much easier and the muscle structure in men lends to greater ability for lifting and carrying. A women's muscle is more apt for coordination and flexibility. We are different, and we are allowed to be.
I think the reason that this verse ruffled my feathers so much was because I thought that I had something to prove. I thought that to be a woman was somehow less. It felt like there was an ongoing competition between men and women about who was better. Who was smarter? Who was stronger? Who was more capable? When I saw verses that called women weak, it felt like God was against me. Like He had purposely made me to be something less significant.
Fortunately, we see it proclaimed in Scripture over and over again - men and women are of equal value to Him. We even see Him watching over females in a special way, knowing our unique needs.
Genesis 1:27 "God created man(kind) in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."
We both carry the mark of the Divine within us, unlike any other part of creation. We look like our God; He sees Himself in us just as I see parts of myself within my sons.
1 Corinthians 11:11-12 "However, in the Lord, neither is the woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God."
The Lord designed that men and women be linked and interdependent upon one another. We gain strength from one another and are intended to endorse one another, not compete or rob from each other.
1 Peter 3:7 Let's go back and focus for a moment on the final part of this verse, this time in the New King James Version translation, "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered."
The Lord makes it clear, "Men, just because you are bigger than her, don't you dare use that to bully her into getting your way. If you resort to methods of intimidation or force in order to control your wife, your prayers go to the bottom of the pile."
Many parts of the world and some other religions would propagate that women are second-class citizens, or property of their husbands, unworthy of education or provision, but in true Christianity, as described in this verse, we see that men and women get an equal share of the inheritance of grace! On average, her female vessel may not be able to bench press like he does, but the God of Heaven pours out His Spirit and His blessings on her in equal measure.
There are so many other occasions in Scripture, but I won't include those here today. He has to talk about it thoroughly though, because He knows her struggle is real.
Humanity in general is the most vulnerable of all creatures. Our self-awareness and relational dependency make us prone to emotional pain. Vulnerability is defined as "susceptible to physical or emotional harm or attack." Both men and women can be intelligent, problem-solving, persistent individuals, but we also all inherently carry weaknesses.
Her Unique Vulnerability
Ladies, you'd be lying if you claimed that you didn't have weakness or vulnerability of your own. Acknowledging our weakness is one of the most humble, honest things we can do, and I believe it is a precursor to growing in strength.
As women, we also face an extra dose of vulnerability that men do not experience.
What is it like to feel the routine, predicted upheaval of hormones and physical discomfort each month? She develops a strategy to prepare for it, so as not to be overwhelmed or consumed like last time. She feels vulnerable.
What is it like fighting off the pressure to be physically "perfect"? She feels a threat that if she is not, she could be rejected her community, or by the very one she has committed her life to. She was made for relationship so she attempts to perform, but her own body begins to betray her plan as she ages. She feels vulnerable.
What is it like to walk into a room of strangers or down a street at dusk and wonder if the men there are safe to be around? If they see her as a real person or as an object to be used? She feels vulnerable.
What is it like to have your body be transformed during the season of pregnancy? To suffer in child-birth? And to perpetually serve while nursing? To be utterly dependent on others because someone tiny is wholly dependent on you? She feels vulnerable.
Women, can we admit that we have seen our own weakness in the mirror?
You may be tempted to resist your very identity in order to not face such a vulnerable existence. If you have been hurt or disappointed, you may wish that you were tougher and that you could perpetually "shake it off", but it never works out quite the way we imagined it would. On paper our Canadian women are doing great. We have increasing access to scholarships and job promotions, sports achievement, and involvement in projects and causes. Yet, we are among the mass population of women who are self-medicating. Binge alcoholism, eating disorders, and high doses of anti-depressant medication are a part of her life, with the steady sound of Netflix in the background soothing her to sleep because she can't stand the roar within her own mind. We are not doing okay, but it does not have to stay this way.
There is an atmosphere available in which women can retain the tenderness of their heart and reassign her energy away from self-preservation and towards great discovery and fulfillment. Wherever the fathers, brothers, and husbands will live with her in an understanding way, honoring her as an equal heir of grace, this becomes increasingly possible.
For those of you who read this and are longing for this kind of care, you need to know that there is a Man named Jesus, the Son of God, who will never abuse, abandon or oppress. He is willing to spend the rest of eternity proving it to you. He won't approve of us living like spoiled goddesses, but He will establish us as honorable royalty if we are willing to trust Him and follow His words. Others may wound us, but He is a shield to our souls.
As I conclude, I pray that not one of my comments would be viewed as insensitive towards the very real struggles that men also face. There is not room in this post for my thoughts on how we need to support them, but I assure you that as a mother of five sons, I am thinking about that as well.