Children, the Mess, and the Investment
I was at a friend’s house recently and she apologetically mentioned her need to clean their bathroom. I laughed and said something to the effect of, “There is no bathroom that needs cleaning more than ours.”
Five boys. It’s no joke, guys.
Yes, we work on helping them take personal responsibility.
Yes, it’s on their chore list for them to be cleaning bathrooms too.
But still. In the middle of it. It sure gets messy.
If you are a parent, I’m sure you know what I mean. And yes, having a lot of children exponentially adds to the mess. More dirty dishes. More wet towels left on the floor. More art projects that you feel unsure about throwing out. More missing socks. More finger prints on windows.
More.
Here’s the thing - children are a worthy investment. But like all investments, you have to pay up front.
It reminds me of an obscure proverb that I came across years ago. “Where no oxen are, the trough is clean; but increase comes by the strength of an ox.”
I’m certainly not a farmer, but with a little imagination I can assume the value that those oxen would bring. Certainly, they demand a lot (food, shelter, clean-up, medical care), but when they have matured and been trained, they also will provide an awful lot.
Have you ever heard the phrase, “As strong as an ox”? Well, an ox can pull 2,000-5,000 pounds, and all the more when teamed up with another. Oxen can clear a field or carry a harvest far beyond the capacity of a farmer.
I wonder if one reason we struggle to invest in children is that we don’t have eyes to see what they are becoming. I love to ask parents, “What is your child like?” Not, “What DO they like?”, because I more want to get a sense of what this mom or dad can see forming within the character of their child. Does he have a sensitive heart? Does she always know how to speak her mind? Is he a risk taker? Does she have a song to sing?"
I find that in the day-to-day struggle of parenting, remembering to look beneath the surface of behavior gives me the strength to persist.
In the Gospel recordings of Matthew, Mark, and Luke, we read that some parents were trying to bring their children to Jesus in order to receive a blessing from Him. The disciples were trying to play the role of bodyguards, protecting Jesus from the fans, and so they tried to send those families away. Jesus’ response was profound: “Don’t stop them from coming. The kingdom of heaven belongs to them.”
Nowadays, in spite of the advancing knowledge about child psychology and our intellectual awareness about how the economy and ecology will rest on the future generations, we still just struggle to place simple value on children.
Sure, parents are taking them to soccer fields and buying them cell phones. Children may have RESP’s in their name and organic diapers for their backsides. They may get dentist appointments and be learning a second language.
But at a deeper level - as a society, do we know how to give them the simple invitation to exist in our presence the way Jesus did? Are we willing to slow it down in order to listen to their drawn out story? Are we able to put our device down for long enough to give them a high five, or get out of our own thoughts so that we can ask them about theirs?
The kingdom of heaven belongs to them.
Increase comes through them.
This last weekend I had the chance to talk with a mother who has three grown children. Her eyes danced and her voice dripped with admiration as she shared about their personalities and giftings. She wasn’t claiming their successes as her own but rather, she was rejoicing in the increase that had come from her early years of investment. Now, each of them was launching out into places of influence within the community in their own unique expressions.
What a convicting/encouraging reminder for me to keep at it. Even as I write this, I am reflecting on how I need to do a better job. It’s not a debilitating mom guilt. It is the acknowledgement that my growth as a parent is necessary in order to facilitate their growth as young men.
In it all, we are following in the footsteps of a Heavenly Parent who looked at all the messes we made here on earth, and yet held firmly to His conviction that we were worth it. Our Savior was willing to empty Himself, to yield Himself and to sacrifice for our sake.
Christ knows the cost of raising children, and He deemed it a worthy cause. (And He even proclaimed something to the effect of, “The more the merrier!”) Today as we interact with a younger generation (in your own home, in your neighborhood, at the grocery store, or in a classroom), let’s reflect the countenance of Christ.
And if you ever come over and I haven’t had the chance to do a once-over in the washroom, just so you know, I try to keep a thing of Lysol wipes under the sink.