3 Reasons Why You Keep Doing What You Do (and the keys to stop those sabotaging habits)
“Why are you the way you are?” -Michael Scott
If you aren’t a fan of the show “The Office” you may have no idea what I am talking about, but if you are…you're welcome. As funny as this line is in the context of the show, it’s a very real question that we all face in our lives.
“Why are we the way that we are?”
“Why do we do the things we do?”
To take it a step further, “Will I ever change and stop doing these things?”
The truth is there are some sinful habits that have become socially acceptable or even the norm. (I.e that resume you padded the heck out of to get that job that you were under qualified for… yeah, we know you weren’t a summer intern for Mother Teresa.)
For the most part, outside of some extreme scenarios, the worst that could happen if you were found out is that you lose your job. It doesn’t make it right or anything. It is still sin and needs to be repented from, but it’s not going to do huge damage to your life again…for the most part.
However, there are some habits in our lives that carry some major, long-lasting consequences. You likely know what they are in your life. These habits could ruin your relationships, destroy your marriage and sabotage your destiny.
So how do we identify the sabotaging habits and also step out of them to a new habit of freedom in Christ? Here are 3 key things you need to understand in order to get free from those sabotaging habits:
1. You are a sinner.
“Thanks Bryan! That’s really helpful… like I wasn’t feeling bad enough already. Let me know when we can do this again.”
Look, I don’t want to discourage you or shame you, but the fact is that you and I have been affected by sin. There hasn’t been one part of the human experience that doesn’t feel the affects of the original sin of Adam and Eve. This reality has reached deep into our body and soul, leaving it tainted.
This was something that Paul spoke to in Romans 7:15-20 (Passion Translation)
I’m a mystery to myself, for I want to do what is right, but end up doing what my moral instincts condemn. And if my behaviour is not in line with my desire, my conscience still confirms the excellence of the law. And now I realize that it is no longer my true self doing it, but the unwelcome intruder of sin in my humanity. For I know that nothing good lives within the flesh of my fallen humanity. The longings to do what is right are within me, but will-power is not enough to accomplish it. My lofty desires to do what is good are dashed when I do the things I want to avoid. So if my behaviour contradicts my desires to do good, I must conclude that it’s not my true identity doing it, but the unwelcome intruder of sin hindering me from being who I really am.”
This passage paints a picture of an “unwelcome intruder” that is wreaking havoc inside the house of our humanity. It reveals that we, even as believers, have two realities working in our lives. The reality of our “fallen humanity” and the reality of Christ working by His Spirit to transform us to be more and more like Him. Thankfully, according to this verse, even though our fallen humanity is very real, it’s not our most authentic or truest identity.
Paul continues is verse 24 by asking a question:
“What an agonizing situation I am in! So, who has the power to rescue this miserable man from the unwelcome intruder of sin and death?”
I love that Paul asks “who? “ and not “what?”. Here lies the solution to our problem with indwelling sin. The person of Jesus. Not the idea of Jesus, but the real deal person of Christ. It can be very tempting to try and find a solution in a “new year’s resolution” commitment, but if the person of Jesus is not at the forefront of those decisions, their effectiveness will be short-lived.
Paul makes the comparison of sin to a “body of death”. Considering he is writing to the church in Rome, he is actually making a reference that they would be familiar with. (It is one that would probably greatly offend most church goers today if their pastor made it.) A “body of death’ refers to a Roman form of torture in which a criminal would be forced to have a dead body attached to them. The criminal would have to carry this lifeless, rotting body on their back until either he was put to death or he died from the spreading rot.
That is intense imagery, but is such a clear comparison to the reality of our sinful nature. Our sinful nature is the dead body we so often carry around. The good news is that Jesus’s death sets us free from it all. This is where your freedom from sabotaging habits start - giving them to Jesus.
What you can do:
Identify and confess your sin and harmful habits to God, and to someone that you trust. Pray either out loud or in written form with a heart of surrender: “In the name of Jesus, I repent for my sin of __(fill in the blank)___. Holy Spirit, please forgive me for my choices and lead me into freedom.”
2. It’s a heart issue.
Whether we realize it or not, our heart is like a sponge. It has the tendency to absorb and hold on to experiences and hurts that can end up fuelling those damaginghabits. This is why Proverbs 4:23 says:
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
It could’ve been physical, sexual, emotional or physiological abuse you experienced. It could have been an exposure to something perverted that left a mark on your heart. When this happens our soul longs to find healing, but doesn’t always address the source of pain. Your soul will reach for whatever can give you relief from the pain, even if it is only surface, momentary relief.
Personally, I am convinced that the epidemic of porn usage that we are seeing in our day is just as much connected to emotional and soul wounds as it is to the sin issue of lust.
When we allow the character of God to be distorted by the modern-day philosophies, it removes the high ground for the soul that humanity was meant to find in God. When we ignore the lordship of Christ, we have no place to run with our inner wounds. This only leads to band-aid solutions and escapism that avoid the pain instead of healing it.
The good news is that this is precisely where Jesus does His work.
“He restores my soul…” Psalms 23:3
Jesus desires for all of us to be able to experience the renovation of soul that He made available for us through victory on the cross. Just like a general contractor would be hired to renovate a home, Jesus as the good carpenter is renovating who we are, to bring us back into His character.
This means we need to let Him in to some of the rooms that we have put locks on. These are the rooms of our heart that are filled with shame, regret, hurts, unforgiveness, jealousy…etc. There is really no end to this possibilities of what could be in these rooms. This will require courage and hard work. Just like a real-life renovation, it gets dirty and dusty really fast. It’s scary and may hurt momentarily, but it will lead to freedom in the long run.
What you can do:
Begin to identify the places of pain in your life that have shaped your view of God, others, and yourself. You will need to mourn your loss, give yourself grace as you process, and hold onto hope, looking to the horizon, knowing that healing will come.
Set aside a bit of time each day (or on each weekend) to invite the Holy Spirit to bring healing. Be brave and ask someone to pray with you. Journal your memories and realizations to validate them.
3. Your thoughts are fuelling your unwanted behaviour.
Our thoughts can create a perfect storm when combined with the other two points of a sinful nature and a wounded soul. Because of the affect of sin on our minds and the soul’s propensity towards wounding, it is an easy setup for deception.
That word “deception” may seem too intense or severe to you, but it’s the most accurate to what we are dealing with. Unfortunately, we all are dealing with our own level of deception.
Each one of us believes things about God, ourselves and others that really aren’t true. We make assumptions based on our pain, our experiences, and our own character. These beliefs fuel certain behaviours.
For example, you may be continually getting involved in co-dependant relationships to find a sense of self worth, or you may be turning to dangerous substances to try and find a sense of peace in your life. So many of your impulsive behaviours have a lie attached to them about either the character of God or your own identity. This is why having an accurate and maturing Biblical worldview is so important.
In John 16:13, Jesus promised that He would send the Holy Spirit to us, and that says that, “He will guide you into all the truth”.
The Holy Spirit is committed to lead us out of deception and out of those damaging habits, as we continue to walk with Him. God is committed to allowing the truth to renovate our thinking so that we experience His perspective and live in the freedom and peace that it brings.
What you can do:
Be devoted to learning to think like God does. You can do that by spending time reading and studying Scriptures and around followers of Christ who live authentically in a God-honoring way.
I encourage you today to allow the Holy Spirit in to take stock of your thought life. When we begin to keep close watch over this area we can cut off behaviour before it can even take root.
Some healing can be instantaneous. Other healing may be a slow process, going through things one layer at a time. Both processes are legitimate and to be celebrated! Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope that the power of God can transform your life.