Is masturbation sin?...or a gift from God?
This topic of masturbation has been highly debated within Christian culture. I've once heard someone refer to Ecclesiastes 9:10 which states, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might…” as a justification for masturbation. Sorry buddy, that’s about working a job. Earlier this year waves were made when a well-known pastor stated on social media how thankful he was for the “God-given” gift of masturbation. He saw it as a means of keeping him free from wandering sexually during the in-between times of sex in his marriage. He reasoned that there wasn’t a New Testament reference or a specific apostolic comment against it. This line of thinking was a little concerning, to say the least. Just because something isn’t mentioned specifically as a sin within the Bible doesn’t mean it's a good idea.
I don’t look down on this person at all. In fact, this pastor was very influential early on in my walk with Jesus. Oddly enough, this was because of his boldness to preach a call to genuine sexual purity. To give him the benefit of the doubt, I have to assume he is just like so many who are feeling overwhelmed by the hyper-sexualization of our culture. The constant flow of sensuality that we live our lives in can get to be a bit much. Many are feeling trapped by their sexual desires and feel as if there isn’t any other option. It's our heart at The Union to be an avenue that helps restore the beauty of God-ordained sexuality that leads people to wholeness. That’s why we can’t shy away from conversations like this.
To get clarity on this topic, we need to look past the act of masturbation and ask a deeper question: What is the purpose of sex? Not according to our dorm bros or our co-workers, but what does God’s Word say? To do this, we have to go back to the beginning in the Garden of Eden. We see very quickly that before the fall into sin and rebellion against God's instruction, Adam and Eve were “naked and not ashamed.” This reveals something that is often forgotten - God is not anti-sex. The fact that this is before sin entered the world shows us that it was God's design for Adam and Eve to experience the blessing of sexuality within the covenant they had made together before Him.
This should put your heart at ease because it highlights that your desire for sex was God's idea. We couldn’t fulfill the commandment to be fruitful and multiply without a sex drive. The catch is that we are now living on the other side of the fall, and sin has corrupted this design. Instead of experiencing the gift of sexuality in the context God designed, we now seek to define right and wrong on our own terms.
Contrary to what we hear so loudly in culture, there is supposed to be exclusivity in sexual experience. In other words, it's not for everyone or between everyone. The Bible clarifies distinctly that sexual activity is reserved for the sacred space of marriage. This means one man and one woman who are exclusively joined in a covenant union before God.
Even though the sexual experience is considered holy within marriage, it's not meant to be taken from one another, but rather something given and received. Paul highlights this within the first verses of 1 Corinthians 7. He states that the husband's and the wife’s bodies aren’t their own but are meant for each other and emphasizes an attitude of servanthood in marital sex.
I've had conversations with young men who are struggling with living out sexual integrity due to porn use, and it is always a surprise to them when I tell them that marriage is not going to be a 24/7 sexual playground. When Paul speaks of marriage being a better solution than burning with lust (1 Cor 7:9) he’s not calling for the forsaking of self-control and servanthood. These are primary character attributes of all Christ followers that should touch all areas of our lives.
An issue of lack of self-government in their current scenario will not be fixed by throwing a spouse into the picture. We are off base in our perspective if we think that the wedding day means that we exchange porn for a person, or masturbation for selfless sexual servanthood to our spouse. Faithfulness and self-denial will not just magically appear; we have to govern over our sexual desires in marriage just like we must do in singleness.
If sexual expression is reserved for marriage and is not to be self-serving, I think it becomes clear how we should view masturbation.
Often sin enters into our lives when we try to meet legitimate desires in a way that is illegitimate. The fact that we want to have sex is not a sin, but what we do with our desires can most definitely be.
When Adam and Eve were in the Garden facing temptation they had two options:
trust and obey God's instruction even if they didn’t understand completely, or
eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil becoming a “god” for themselves.
We are faced with the same choice when it comes to masturbation. We can either choose to submit the desires of our body and our need to be truly known to the Lord, trusting in His grace to live honourably before Him, or we can take things into our own hands, (pun intended) and meet this desire illegitimately.
When we choose the latter we bypass the design of God that could connect us to our spouse in body, soul and spirit. Instead of being woven deeper to our spouse in intimacy, we bind to ourselves.
If you’ve been seeing this behaviour as no big deal or have been stuck in patterns of masturbation, there is grace for you. This grace can not only separate your sin from your current state but can also strengthen you to help you live to honour God with your body. Not by just trying harder to pretend that you don’t have these desires but rather by submitting these desires to Him. He doesn’t want you to just try harder in your strength, but to bring your weaknesses to Him so He can provide you with His strength.