What Little Boys Dream Of
This week, I spent some time talking with our sons about respecting and protecting women. We were reading a book together that gives insight and defensive measures to children to know what to do in the face of pornographic images. It is a great tool that encourages open conversation for which I am very grateful. However as I flipped through the pages, I noted that there was no mention of the instinctive desire in men to rise up as defenders of victims.
Men have an incredible ability to sacrifice and suffer for those they love. Of course, women do as well, but for a moment I’d like to take the spotlight and direct it to the heroic potential and actions of men. Their strength, when used to protect, is an incredible gift to the world. We must never forget or belittle this.
The temptation to lust, pornography and self-gratification wars against this protective nature. I don’t know how anyone can truly overcome sexual temptation separate from stepping into love for their fellow human beings.
In light of that, I felt it appropriate to share a blog post that I wrote about a year ago on this very topic. If you have done things in your lifetime that have caused you shame and regret, I want to encourage you to step even further back in time and remember who you are really called to be and what you once dreamed of.
“What Little Boys Dream Of”
September, 2018
Last week our family of 7, along with our spotted pet dog, Charlotte, moved to a new place in a nearby town. I think we are technically in the outskirts of a town. Bryan and I were putting in 12-14 hour days, packing, organizing, unpacking, cleaning, assembling furniture, then falling into bed past midnight. I knew we had stuff, but I had no idea how long it takes to move it all, box by box. How can you estimate stuff like that?
We are beginning to become functional now, but on Sunday morning when we were getting ready to go meet with our church, it was no wonder that we were running behind. We were taking extra precious minutes finding spoons for cereal, finding shoes that actually "go" with those pants, and finding clean underwear for the whole crew. Goodness.
So, we are running late and our youngest son, Kaleb, appears at the top of the stairs covered head to toe by every piece of his knight costume. It glistens like tinfoil, but the material is much more adaptable and comfortable. He adjusts his foam sword in its sheath, looks down at me through the cut-out of his helmet and says, "I want Madeline in my class to know that I'm a knight."
I inhaled deeply, nodded and smiled, ushering him down to the van. No time to debate, and besides, that is freak-stinking adorable.
There are only so many years of one's life that wearing a full-on knight costume is still socially acceptable. (Madeline is one of his friends in his Sunday School class. They got in a fight last fall, but apologized deeply and have been friends ever since. In case you are wondering, she thought his costume was awesome, as did the dozens of other people at church who filled his little heart.)
His statement has been echoing in my mind these last few days.
"I want her to know that I'm a knight."
Now, of course, all the knights of past centuries have not behaved in exemplary ways. Yet, there is an air of nobility around the concept. We all know what knights are supposed to be about: dignity, self-discipline, defenders of society, and champions of noble causes. Even my almost-four-year-old knows that it is a great thing to be considered a knight.
Our six-year old still dresses up in costume, but at some point when I wasn't looking, our other boys have almost entirely outgrown the costumes in our toy box. I wonder if I forget too often that my nine-year old still has that raging-river within him to sacrifice for the greater good like the superheroes he used to dress up like every single day.
The real life battles materialize in suspiciously common ways; perhaps too common for their liking. Dragons would probably be preferred to the mountainous challenge of chores, homework and unjust sibling interactions. As they grow, I know that the challenge will morph once again, and they will have to wrestle endlessly with the culture around them and the selfishness within them. They will have to slay their own sinful desires, because we all know that NO ONE gets to do whatever they want whenever they want.
In a world of instant gratification and female objectification, they will need to remember the truth that the women around them are more than just figure and form, skin and face. They may have peers that disagree with them, and they may feel a sting of loneliness because they refuse to play the game. They will need to keep their chin up and chest out in the face of mockery, only to crumble in humility at the feet of King Jesus in a secluded space, asking Him to strengthen them one more time.
Oh, but I can see you already, young man. I see what you really want. You want us to know that you are a knight. Or at the very least, that you are trying. That you don't want to succumb to your lower nature. You want to be a safe place for the women around you, and be respected for who you really are. You want to be a part of the solution and not part of the problem. I believe you.
Put on your armor. Son, I believe in you. Those choices that you make to do what is right and not what is easy - THOSE choices - they shift atmospheres. Your presence on the road makes travel safer for everyone. I know that you aren't perfect, but I also see you get back up when you trip over your feet. And that is one of the most magnificant things I've ever seen in my life, because I know how much strength it takes to just not quit.
Little Kaleb, I will do my best to never forget the way you look in that costume. Your bright-eyes, determined brow, and passion to destroy invisible enemies is a lesson for us all. You already have it scripted; you know you were made to be victorious.
Any man, young or old, who reads this today, I pray that you experience the welcoming smile of Jesus Christ. I implore you to not walk alone in this journey, but to reach out in a greater level of transparency to other men in your life that you trust and respect. My husband's story would be vastly different if not for the mentors and fathers in his world who have supported him along the way.
Every young man caught in the addicting snare of pornography, or who behaved dishonorably against a powerless victim, or who allowed the moment to plunder your destiny - the story is not over. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and redeems those who feel crushed. He rejoices to take the pieces of our broken lives and create a masterpiece of glory.
Christ took the shame upon himself so that after kneeling in repentance in front of Him, you could rise again, given a new name and a new purpose.
